is tomorrow. i’m incredibly nervous as i’ve been researching the hell out of the internets to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for what could come from that appointment. all gender related mishaps aside regarding how i’m treated during the appointment, it’s more about the health of the baby. i’ve been having this on and off pain in the same area for a little while, so i looked up ectopic/tubal pregnancy. all my friends know me as a practical person so it’s no surprise that what i’m doing is trying to understand all the outcomes from tomorrow. sort of playing ‘worst case scenario.’ so, that’s also why i had to look into pregnancy calendars to understand exactly where i am in weeks of development to make sure there is a chance that we’ll be able to hear the heartbeat.
even just typing this entry i feel the rambling coming through that is exactly what i’m feeling.
i’ll be showing nhp how to use my camera so we can have video of the appointment. and i’ll be uploading my first video post.
today was a bad day at work. dizziness and nausea and just wanting to lay down and sleep. so i left early, again. went home, and slept until the early afternoon. i had txt my mama friend about my theory of ectopic pregnancy, and she came over to visit me while on her lunch break from work/school. i fucking love her. she calmed me down and validated my concerns but built my hope back up for tomorrow and for the next seven months. “hope for the best and plan for everything else.”
so i’m ready. nhp is on his way up here to stay the night so he’s already in town for our appointment tomorrow. i can’t say that i’ve missed him from sunday, but i am really glad to see him and cuddle with him. he’s amazing. and just as nervous as i am.